thanks for always making me cry. thanks for making me feel ashamed for being myself.

 She just said that "Tava com saudade"* and that she wanted to talk** and this breaks my heart, man. It really does. I started writing this about 1 and a half hour ago, at 23:00. It's 00:35, we are talking and, well, it's kinda painful for me. I like talking to her. I love talking to her. I want to take care of her and of her 'piolhos' too. Seriously. But she is using a couples picture, you know? And, guess I don't really need yo say this, I am not in that picture. I don't wanna be this friend of her, but at the same time I do.

 Sometimes she says things that hurts me. Like, in this conversation that we are having, she mentioned that she finally talked to a boy that looked like me. I asked if the boy really looked like me or if it was just his hair that was the same hair that I had, and she said that it was my hair and my forehead, then I said that was tough luck for him and she laughed and said "true...". That's not something cool to hear, you know? If a brazilian criticizes Brazil, that's ok. If a 'gringo' (a north american, let's say) does this, IT'S NOT GOOD. I can laugh and joke about my body, about my insecurities. She doesn't have this right.
 I need to get my act together because I don't want to be close to people who hurts me. It's not healthy for me. I don't want to talk to people who fucks my mental health all the way up. 

* So,"saudade" it's one of the many portuguese words that doesn't really have a translation to english. I will do my best to explain but remember that my writing skill isn't good enough for this kind of stuff. Ok, if you want to say that you are missing someone but in portuguese, you say that you are feeling "saudade" for the person. THIS IS A TERRIBLE EXPLANATION, I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!! I will give you an example: "Eu sinto saudades dela." = "I miss her." Now, let me try to get in depth of this example. "Eu" does means "I"; "sinto", from the verb "sentir", does not have a 'perfect' translation to english, but a equivalent would be "feeling", from the verb "to feel". e.g., "Eu sinto frio" = "I am feeling cold"; "saudades", as I said before, does not have a translation to english, so, "miss" does the job here; and, finally, "dela" is translated to english as "her". - 00:31 I am kinda tired now so I will not continue on this explanation.

** She didn't wanted to talk about anything serious or something like that, she just wanted to have a conversation, you know?